• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

griefwell

  • Home
  • About
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • Shop
    • Remembrance Jewelry
  • Work with Me

What to Say to a Griever

Leave a Comment

Many of us are at a loss about what to say when a friend has suffered a loss.  We know that we ought to say something, but we worry about saying the wrong thing.  So we may end up saying nothing at all, which may even be more hurtful to the grieving person who is already feeling alone.  The following article gives some useful tips about what to say, and why.

How to Help a Grieving Friend

By Stephanie Booth 

“Don’t feel bad.” It’s what we all want to say to a loved one grieving a major loss like a death or the end of a marriage. Our intentions are good: More than anything, we want to put an end to his suffering. But that’s the last thing you should do, according to Russell Friedman, executive director of The Grief Recovery Institute in Sherman Oaks, Calif., and co-author of The Grief Recovery Handbook and When Children Grieve. “Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss, and feeling sad or bad is not only appropriate but actually healthy,” Friedman said.

In an interview with AOL Health, Friedman advised how to offer emotional and physical support to your loved one while he works through this tumultuous time.

Acknowledge what happened. While bringing up the subject may feel awkward, it is necessary. “The griever needs and wants to talk about ‘what happened’ and their relationship to the person involved,” said Friedman. “Robbing them of that opportunity is arguably the worst thing you can do.”

Steer clear of cliches and advice. “She led a full life” or “he’s in a better place” indirectly urges your friend to “get over” her grief. “You’ll find somebody else” undermines her loss. And “I know how you feel” makes [the loss] about you, not the griever, said Friedman. Instead, speak from the heart: “I can’t imagine what this has been like for you,” “I don’t know what to say,” or, if you also knew the person who died, “I’m sorry.”

Lighten his everyday load. Consciously or not, someone grieving spends an enormous amount of time reviewing his relationship with the person he’s lost. “Think of an old-time flicker card movie with thousands of images flashing through their mind at warp speed,” Friedman said. Your friend may be on an emotional roller coaster, not eating or sleeping as he normally does, or unable to focus. Keep his everyday life on an even keel by shopping for groceries, caring for the children or pets, or picking up relatives from the airport. If your relationship is close, you might also accompany him to funeral arrangement conferences and legal meetings so you can take notes and ask questions on his behalf.

Don’t disappear after the funeral. “The largest percentage of heart attacks in surviving spouses happens seven to 10 days after the funeral, once friends and family members have returned home,” said Friedman. No longer distracted by a flurry of appointments, responsibilities and house guests, isolation and depression can set in. Arrange for your friend to have companionship — anywhere from a matter of weeks to as long as six months — while she adapts to this life change.

Never push someone to open up. Everyone grieves differently. Some people may never want to talk to you — or anyone else — about their feelings. If that’s the case, “let it be,” advised Friedman. Instead, spend your time together pursuing activities or interests you have in common. “You will do them a great service just by being a friend,” he said.

Know the warning signs. If your friend has ongoing sleeping or eating issues, is unable to concentrate at work or school, or is becoming increasingly more isolated, it’s time to speak up. Friedman’s suggestion for broaching this delicate topic: “I’m very concerned for you. I’ll be glad to support you as you look for help and am here to listen if you need to talk about it.”

grief· grieving· mourning

Sue Hasker, MS

Certified Grief Recovery® Specialist & New Life Story® Wellness Coach
Previous Post: « Stages of Grieving?
Next Post: Emotions Affect Healing »

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

connect

Facebook pinterest instagram Twitter LinkedIn Contact

i recommend

herbs & more


When your life is upside-down following a loss or trauma, your body needs all the support you can give it. Take care of your emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

articles

  • One Wedding and a Funeral
  • We Must Grieve
  • Emotions Affect Healing
  • What to Say to a Griever
  • Stages of Grieving?
  • Does Time Heal?
  • What Not To Say
  • Murmuration
  • Are You at Risk for Depression?
  • 10 Tips for Moving Through Grief

categories

  • emotions
  • grief
  • grief recovery method
  • grieving
  • healing
  • mourning
  • self-care
  • stress
  • wellness

Tags

anxiety comforting companioning denial depression grief grieving healing mourning positive thoughts relaxation sadness stages transformation wellness

You can also find me at:

suehasker

little hurricane concert in Los Gatos tonight little hurricane concert in Los Gatos tonight
Turn on the sound! Turn on the sound!
#capitola #beach #capitola #beach
#capitola #beach #capitola #beach
Instagram post 17959424857515796 Instagram post 17959424857515796
5 years ago today we stepped off the ship after 26 5 years ago today we stepped off the ship after 26 days aboard. Wishing I was back there now. 
#royalcaribbean
Follow on Instagram
Cover for Sue Hasker - Grief & Loss Wellness
263
Sue Hasker - Grief & Loss Wellness

Sue Hasker - Grief & Loss Wellness

finding easier ways of living with grief & health challenges

Sue Hasker - Grief & Loss Wellness

6 days ago

Sue Hasker - Grief & Loss Wellness
Excellent suggestions for those of us who struggle with depression. By the way, check out Bryan's Smile and give it a 👍founded by our cousin-in-law who lost her son to addiction and hopes no other parent ever has to go through it but the sad reality is... some will. ... See MoreSee Less
View on Facebook
· Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email

Sue Hasker - Grief & Loss Wellness

2 weeks ago

Sue Hasker - Grief & Loss Wellness
What I am able to do within a day is simply what I am able to do within a day.What I am able to accomplish, achieve, or produce in this lifetime, is simply, what I am able to do, and nothing more.My hope is that I am able to breathe deep knowing this, no matter the unchecked items on life’s lists.I have this hope for you, too.It’s okay if productivity looks different from now on.- MHN ... See MoreSee Less

Photo

View on Facebook
· Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email

Sue Hasker - Grief & Loss Wellness

2 weeks ago

Sue Hasker - Grief & Loss Wellness
Do you have any rituals or routines that you use to honor the memory of a loved one? One example, we've celebrated significant birthdays by bringing cake to their gravesite to share with family members. ... See MoreSee Less

Photo

View on Facebook
· Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email

Your Privacy Matters

Privacy Policy

Footer

educational purposes only

The information contained on this blog is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended for the treatment, cure, diagnosis, or prevention of any medical condition. Please consult your physician for such advice and before altering the use of medications or any other part of your medical program.

Tags

anxiety comforting companioning denial depression grief grieving healing mourning positive thoughts relaxation sadness stages transformation wellness

affiliate discolsure

In order for me to support this website, I may receive monetary compensation for purchases from certain links to products from this website.  As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.  However, I test and use each product and I only recommend products that I personally love and use myself.

  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2023 · Simply Charming Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in